Weight Loss Denial

I wrote a couple of months ago how I was able to lose the pregnancy weight after two babies back to back and how I was so happy to be at my pre pre-pregnancy size.

I love clothes and nothing made me happier than finally fitting in to them 🙂

Since that time though, I’ve lost a few more pounds and while some might ask, “Wait, isn’t that a good thing?” it is, but I’m having some trouble accepting it.

I’ve never been below my pre-pregnancy size. High school and earlier not counting, I’ve always been the same size and I worked out to maintain that comfortable, healthy-for-me number.

But as I’ve been shopping, and I do that a lot, I’ve been noticing that size not fitting like it used to. I’ve chalk it up to design and cut and still buy it because I like it.

On one shopping excursion, my husband was with me. I chose a few things to try and on and he waited for me to come out and model for him. I love getting his opinions and he actually likes going shopping with me (I have a winner!).

He took one look at me and said what I couldn’t for some reason let myself say out loud, “I think you need to try a size smaller.”

“It’s not going to fit.”

“Just try it.”

I’ve never had any major body issues (thankfully) but I also don’t like not fitting into things and I was scared of the possibility of sardine-ing my way into a pair of pants I knew wouldn’t fit me.

Except they did.

I’m not a big scale person but I do weigh myself from time to time and I’m actually a few pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight. So while I’m in my normal size of clothing, the number isn’t what it used to be. (Further proof that you shouldn’t live by the scale.)

I bought the new size pants but with the bag of new jeans I carried away a feeling that they would most likely collect dust in my closet.

But why? I know that my fitness plans are not changing. My diet has changed a bit as I’m no longer consuming insane amounts of McDonald’s but that’s not changing either. There’s nothing to say that I won’t continue to maintain my body the way it is now. In fact, with MCM in the fall and Phoenix Marathon early next year, I might even lose a few more pounds and/or tone up a bit more as my training increases.

So why am I in a weight loss denial?

I brought this topic up to my Healthy Moms online board where several moms have also lost weight. A few of them agreed with me that there’s something scary new about losing weight. Will I stay at that weight? Should I invest in new clothing? Will I eventually go back to my old size? The pounds will surely come back, right?

Why is hard for us to accept accomplishment and trust in ourselves to continue and embrace our new lifestyle? Because for me it was never about about dieting. It was is most certainly about changing the way I approach working out and eating right. I wasn’t looking for a number to reach and stopping when I reached it. I started taking running seriously because I wanted to challenge myself with goals I hoped to reach–and then challenging myself by setting new goals. I don’t think any of that is going to change soon.

While I’m learning to accept this new body and embrace, I made a pretty significant breakthrough yesterday.

I was at a small hotel gym getting some treadmill miles in. It was really hot in there but I figured it had something to do with our 98 degree weather outside. About a mile in, I was sweating profusely and decided heck, no need to suffer, I’m taking my shirt off.

I’ve NEVER ran in just a sports bra. Not even pre pre-pregnancy, not in high school, not because of our scorching summers. Never. But somewhere long the way of losing weight, I’ve gained self-confidence. I could see my body in the multitude of mirrors in the gym and I was perfectly fine with what I saw. No nit-picking, no self-judging, just me running.

In fact, I looked at my two baby body with pride. I’ve worked hard.

I’m working hard.

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–Have you lost weight and felt uncomfortable with the newness?

–What are your thoughts on weight loss denial? Why do you think it’s hard for people to accept weight loss?

Thanks for listening friends. This was a personal piece for me.

Tailwind Nutrition Review

Rock ‘n’ Roll Madrid is getting closer and closer and I’m starting to get really excited. I think what has me looking forward to this race is that it’s a no pressure race. I’m not looking to PR having reached my goal at RnR Arizona–quite honestly, if I never beat that time I think I’ll be okay lol. With Madrid, I want to enjoy being in a different country with my husband doing what we enjoy doing: running

What I am concerned with is that when I get back from Europe May 3, I have that dreaded mandatory Death March 17.8 mile run/hike the next morning. With jet lag and the exhaustion from being gone a week, I think I’ll be a good representative of that hike’s title. My running group leader has been getting on us to make sure we’re prepared telling us that temps at the bottom of the canyon can go up to 100+ degrees. Fueling and hydrating is super important and because of that, I’ve been trying a few things.

I tried Energybits a few weeks ago (my review) and during Sunday’s 14.75 mile hike I tried Tailwind Nutrition for the second time. Tailwind is a mix you combine with water and it comes in several flavors–all the ingredients are natural and organic. The berry flavor I tried was amazing. (I’m one of those that when I hear natural and/or organic, I automatically assume I won’t like it (I know, dumb) ). It was sweet but not overly sugary and had zero aftertaste but it def gave my water a little extra yummy oomph.

Berry amazing :)

Berry amazing 🙂

Having not eaten anything before the hike–I usually eat a Nutrigrain bar but my daughter snagged the last one the morning before– Tailwind surprisingly kept me full the whole time. I was really worried I’d be starving during the run/hike but I starting drinking about 15 minutes in and throughout the entire way and was perfectly fine. In fact, I sucked my hydration pack dry by the time I reached the end lol! It was really really yummy and actually very satisfying–it’s advertised to meet your calorie, hydration, and electrolyte needs so no need for gels.

I’ve also tried the lemon flavor (yum!) and have yet to taste the Mandarin Orange. They also have a flavorless mix. I’ll keep you posted on the last two.

Tailwind came recommended from a buddy in my running group who swears by it and I’m glad I gave it a shot. Here’s the website: www.tailwindnutrion.com I love how they offer single packages (the berry flavor is on my weekend buy list).

Let me know if you decide to try it. So far it’s a winner in my book.

–What do you use for fuel?

–Do you like mixing things in your water?

I was sent my package of Tailwind free to test, however, my opinions on the product are my own. I do plan to continue using the product because I truly like it.

 

Week Roundup and Shwings Giveaway Winner!

Last week was getting-back-to-routines week. I was exhausted from our trip to Ohio–traveling with two under two is no joke.

We got back on Monday night and Tuesday was my usual 10k Tuesday run.

Wednesday I was back on the track and shocked myself with a few things.

wowzers!

wowzers!

It wasn’t a continuous run so I have to put that disclaimer. The drill consisted of a 1600, followed by 2×800, followed by a 1600. I threw in the extra .1 for good measure 🙂 Between each set was a 30 second rest. Regardless, I was verrrry pleased with how I did. I truly think incorporating speed work has helped me improve immensely as a runner. That was my fastest 5k and my fastest mile to date.

Wednesday was also a special day because my daughter turned 2!! I no longer can say I have two under 2 lol! Dad was out of town on a work trip so we just hung out and had lunch. We had her birthday party while we were with family in Ohio–Sesame Street themed since she’s currently obsessed with Elmo 🙂

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Thursday, I was back at the gym on the bike for 10 miles.

Friday was a much needed rest day and Saturday I planned for a long run of 8 miles.

I started of the run aiming for negative splits. The first mile was in the mid 9s and each mile was falling under and under. When I reached mile 6, I decided to push it a little to finish strong. I was motivated by a cool guy in my running group who was slowly increasing his speed as well. I figured I’d try and stay as close with him as I could to the end.

We were going strong and I could feel myself work. I looked down at my watch and it read 6.66. Nice, almost at mile 7.

I’ve said this before that I run mostly the same routes all the time so I know where pretty much each mile is. We reached mile 7 but no beep from my watch. Yep, it froze again.

I was SO bummed. I had pushing it hard and really wanted to see what that mile split was. I tried moving screens and nothing. The time was ticking but the distance wasn’t moving. I finally stopped the watch and restarted and then it was back to “normal”.

By that time we were almost done and we sped up to really finish strong. My running buddy wasn’t wearing a watch so I didn’t know what my final time was but I know that it was good. I felt it.

I tried really really hard to not let it get to me. I know we shouldn’t get hung up on times but it really helps motivate me to see the numbers. Two friends finished behind me and I tried to gauge my time by theirs. I guesstimated the last two miles of the total 8 to be around the 8:15ish pace. Awesome for me at the end of a long run.

On Sunday I was back on the trails. My running group had a 14+ mile trail run on the agenda. It was a super tough run but it was an absolute gorgeous day and we had a large group. That always helps. 🙂 My watch froze again–I didn’t even let it phase me.; I wasn’t concerned with time on this run. I stayed with a group the entire way and our total at the end was 14.76 miles.

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View of Phoenix, AZ

View of Phoenix, AZ

So, overall total mileage for the week (Mon-Sun): 32.07 miles

And now….for the Shwings winner 🙂

Congratulations–

Congrats!!

Congrats!!

Yay Yesenia!! Check your e-mail inbox for important info.

Hope you all had a great weekend!

–How was your running week last week?

–Any big (or small) races coming up?